Honey and The Matrix

Day 14 - Sunday.  Rest day.  My second week is coming to an end.

When I first came up with this whole experimental plan for myself, I declared Sunday would be a day of rest.  I imagined that I would need it; that I would look so forward to a lazy day to rest my body and take a time out.  I imagined I would crawl toward it like an oasis in the middle of a desert.  Turns out, that isn't actually the case.  I would not have believed that two short weeks ago.

Yesterday, (Saturday) was a very fun, active day.  I walked around the flea market in the morning and later I rode my bike 5.6 miles and then after that, I played tennis for about 15 minutes.  Let me repeat that - I rode my bike 5.6 miles.  Me.  All by myself.  My husband rode near me (on his own bike), but I pushed my pedals round and round on my bike for almost 6 miles.  Once or twice I had to push it a little ways up a big hill that I just couldn't quite tackle, but only for short lengths.  The rest of the time, up the little hills, I felt my thighs burn and kept pushing.

This morning, I enjoyed sleeping in a little bit later.  I enjoyed my breakfast feast of oatmeal with banana, a handful of walnuts, a cup of hot tea (that I sweetened with stevia and a splash of unsweetened, vanilla almond milk), my 4 oz of sunshine and half a pink grapefruit topped with honey.  I ate every delicious bite and am savoring my cup of hot tea right now as I write.

I used the local raw honey that I purchased at the Farmer's Market.  I'm not going to lie, I was a little bit freaked out.  Here is a disclosure - I have weird food issues.  I have ocd and I am quite a germ-o-phobe.  I can go camping and eat a hotdog stuck on a random stick and held over the fire, that doesn't seem to bother me.  And I don't mind dirt.  Mostly.  But, there are so many food things that freak me out. 

For instance, for years, when I opened a can of tuna fish I had to use a fork to divide it into edible tuna vs. non-edible tuna.  Anything black or weird looking went into the discard pile.  Luckily, I don't feel a need to do that anymore and the tuna pouches rock.  Similarly, for years, I would spend time separating out that weird (forgive me for being so direct "sperm" looking) connector between the white and yolk.  Again, I am past that now.  I only share this to show that the struggle is real.

Ironically, we (I) could eat "fake food" all day long.  A star-crunch (God those are good),  processed drinks, potato chips (again, mmm), any frozen food, the list is endless.  Why?  Because there is a disconnect between everything that went into creating those items vs. the end result.  When eating a delicious fat-laden, over-salted something out of a bag or wrapper, we are not connecting to how that was created, what ingredients were used, what chemicals or toxins were created or added to that food that has now become food-like.  We can eat it and we do, in large quantities, but are we actually eating food?

Over time, I began to feel like I was eating cardboard.  It felt so much like I was suddenly choosing the blue bill on the Matrix (or whichever colored pill opened Neo's mind to reality).  Similarly, if anyone has ever seen the movie Cloud Atlas, when the girl realizes they are actually being fed each other.  That was disturbing.

And yet, how close are we to those types of realities?  We take good food and we destroy it and then we eat it and it is destroying us.  And on some level we know this.  And yet, we still do it.  But I believe we are (all of us), getting smarter, reading labels, doing our best to make better choices. 

Which brings me back to my local, raw honey.  First, I was a bit concerned when I turned the cap to open it and it didn't have that distinct factory sealed pop as I opened the jar.  But, I reminded myself this was a local, real food.  Then when I dipped my spoon into it (which was a change from squeezing my honey bear bottle), I noticed it had a sort of dirty? crunchy? dried? top and the honey was so much darker.  I reminded myself this was natural and healthy.  I spooned it over my grapefruit and let it sink in while I ate my oatmeal.  When I took my first bite of grapefruit, the honey tasted grainy?, for lack of a better word.  Again, I reminded myself not to freak out but to just go with it.  After the first bite, no more graininess.  It was very sweet, smooth and delicious.

Change is hard.  Honestly, it does require effort, openness, determination and a new mindset.  Every night I feel my muscles cramping, tightening, being sore or restless in my arms and legs.  And I stretch them a bit and I feel thankful that I can actually feel my muscles, that they are making their presence known to me and that I am actually changing the composition of my body mass through this process.  Which is also why, the idea of taking an actual full rest day, doesn't even appeal to me anymore.  I want to go play tennis later or walk at the park or ride my bike.  I'd even jump rope, go on the trampoline or maybe go try a cartwheel in the backyard and see if I can still manage one.  The point is that I like being active, moving my body and feeling healthy and strong.   

Until next time... Be well!
~Tracy