Drastic Changes Require Drastic Changes

Hello!

Here we are Day 1.  Technically it's not quite summer yet, but close enough.  And before I get into explaining exactly what this "summer of my Mediterranean diet" is, let me first lay a few things on the line.

1)  This is an experiment.  I have no idea what I am doing.  I am going to learn as I go each day.

2)  I am writing this blog for me and for anyone who may want to come along for the ride.  But in an act of stepping outside of my comfort zone, I am giving myself this accountability and also the daily conversation to chart and process my ups and downs.  It is more important to me that I express myself honestly, truthfully and consistently than it is that I worry overmuch about my grammar and writing skills.  I say this for me because I am a perfectionist and can easily become lost in the fear of not being "good enough" that I simply paralyze myself.

3)  For the record, I am 5' 3" tall and I weigh 178 pounds.  Ugh! Seriously, Ugh.  Sitting here just staring at this truth makes me cringe.  Yes, I know many of you out there may weigh more and judge me for not being "fat enough" and others may judge me for being "super fat".  But worrying about anyone else judging me isn't going to get me anywhere.  And this is not a competition.  Strike that - this is only a competition with MYSELF.

4)  My goal is to weigh 150 pounds by Sept 1, 2017.  This means I need to lose 28 pounds in just about 17 weeks.  That is a little more than a pound and a half a week, which by all standards seems to fall within a healthy range.

5)  I am 44 years old (will be 45 this coming July).  I had my second child (my daughter) in September of 2004 when I had just turned 32 years old.  I weighed approximately 135 pounds when I became pregnant and topped the scale at 212 pounds right before I gave birth.  I am still fighting with that "baby weight" almost 13 years later.  And by "baby weight" I mean - the weight I gained during my pregnancy plus all of the weight I gained, lost, gained back, sustained and fought with since then.

6)  I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder.  I have struggled with many symptoms over the years due to my anxiety and emotional struggles, being a highly sensitive person.  I am sharing this in the context of full disclosure.  I know so many women (and men) struggle with anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, etc.  And it is easy (trust me!) to become complacent about our weight when we feel so under water we can barely breathe.  But for me, right here and right now, I am declaring that I am not going to allow any of my issues or struggles to limit me, instead I will find ways to work with them and around them.  Making friends with my body instead of feeling a constant permeating self-loathing is a worthy (if not overwhelming) endeavor!

I think that about sums up my initial disclosures.

So what exactly am I going to do?  I am going to make drastic changes (to my lifestyle) in an effort to make drastic changes (to my body).

I have tried so many diets over the years.  I have had some limited successes.  I have had some serious failures.  Mostly failures.  And it is frustrating.  And defeating.  And try doing a plan with your husband and forget about it!  He can give up his beer and chips for a few days and proudly declare he's lost 10 pounds in 4 days while you have eaten carrots and celery for a month and walked around the track a billion times and the scale begrudgingly moves 3 ounces.  Then you get your period and now you have gained 5 pounds.  Been there.  Done that.

Weight loss is supposed to be simple - eat less calories and burn off the calories your body has stored as fat.  But for some reason this doesn't exactly translate very simply in real life.

I do not claim to have any nutritional background or knowledge (clearly) other than the non-stop articles and books that I have read over the years and all of that information seems to contradict each other and change year to year.  Forget it!  I am over weighing and measuring my food.  I am over eating dry lettuce while my family feasts.  That is an exaggeration, I would never eat dry lettuce.  But you get my point.

The other day, I was feeling particularly defeated after "dieting" for two weeks while wearing my pedometer and walking regularly.  I went to sleep feeling really frustrated.  When I woke up the next day I realized that I don't mind hard work.  I don't mind following a strategy or plan to create an outcome.  What I hate is feeling like an idiot when I do all of that and nothing is working.  Then I feel like a failure, a loser and a freak.  So I started contemplating how I could work at this smarter and not harder?

The two drastic changes I am going to make are:  1)  Following a Mediterranean Diet and 2)  Changing the composition of my body by building up my muscle mass.

I believe this will work for me.  I guess we will find out.

I will address those two changes in more detail in upcoming blog posts, outlining the guidelines I will be following.  But for now, I have to get myself motivated to clean my kitchen and really focus on making it a more efficient and cheerful place to work.  A large truth is that we must eat "real" food.  That means preparing and cooking homemade food.  And that is a lot of work.  I'm not going to lie, I am feeling overwhelmed right now.  And sore and noodley in my arms, from my first strength training workout this morning.

Until later... be well!
~Tracy