Good Skin, Bad Hair & Lemon Pasta (Subtitled: Anxiety will win battles, but not the war!)

Day18:  Last night, right after I made and ate this delicious dinner (which I will get to in a moment), I crashed HARD!  Dishes all over the kitchen, climbed into my bed, crashed.  It was very early and I did my best to try to relax and watch tv.  Shortly after, I began having bad lower back pain and menstrual cramps, so I grabbed my heating pad, took an Aleve, lights out, tv off, good night!

Today was the first day that I didn't have to wake up to a 6am alarm (since my kids are done school for the summer).  I slept until 8am and could barely pull myself out of bed to make a cup of tea and get a simple cereal breakfast.  Then my words came back to me from yesterday's blog about excuses and I realized I needed to soften that this morning.

Here's the thing.  I meant what I said yesterday.  You have gotta want it!  You have got to have a burning desire and you can't make excuses.  BUT, you can't be Super Woman either.  You have to tune in and listen to your body and know when the voice in your head is constructive or destructive.  For instance, if the voice in your head is saying, "Enough, you need a rest day", then you listen.  But, if the voice in your head is saying, "You've worked hard, you deserve that big cheat or a day to lay around", then clearly you simply don't want it that bad.  And that's ok!  There have been times in my life where I really had no desire to push away the cake or chocolate and even less desire to workout.  But that isn't me now.

Now, I am honoring the fact that I have nothing left to give today.  Yesterday was a very stressful work day for me with deadlines and pieces of the work puzzle not given to me until later in the day.  I began to have an anxiety attack, but took some deep breaths and worked on mindfulness techniques and even did some yoga stretches at my desk.  I do not like to work that way (with intense pressure on me) but I had no choice yesterday but to power through.  Once my anxiety gets triggered like that, sometimes I have a very hard time resetting.

Anxiety is not an excuse.  Bad menstrual cramps are not an excuse.  They are the things we have to contend with.  I mentioned in my initial blog that I had some challenges (like anxiety) to work around.  Yesterday and today, they are in my path and so I have to do my best to work around them.  Luckily, it just so happens that I have a therapy appointment later this morning.  That is me working around my anxiety.  I am not dismissing it or denying it, I am doing what I can to manage it.  Anxiety will win some battles, we know this.  But I refuse to allow it to win the war!  Today, I am going to work more calmly when I log in later and I am going to take some time to meditate and contemplate.  The mind-body connection includes the mind too.  Which includes my/our mental health.

Yesterday, before all of that work stress and my anxiety, I was washing my face and noticed my skin was so clear.  My complexion has greatly improved.  The first week or so of my new plan, my face broke out a bit (which sadly, isn't too unusual for me).  So I was surprised when I noticed my clear and bright complexion.  Then, when I really took a look in the mirror, I noticed also, that my face was getting thinner.  I'm not sure if it's the oil consumption, all the water I've been drinking, the micro-nutrients I've been eating or all the sweating from working out?  Most likely, it has been a winning combination of all of the above!

In stark contrast, my hair is a bird's nest.  I have really thick, unruly hair to begin with and I have not been fixing it (curling or flat-ironing).  I sometimes take two showers a day and in between my hair is getting drenched in sweat during my workouts.  I don't love fixing my hair to begin with, but making this "active lifestyle commitment" simply made it feel completely pointless.  I am growing my bangs out and I wear it up in a ponytail most of the time with bobby pins holding the nest together.  Who cares?  My hair, I can fix in half an hour, if I need to.  My body?  It's going to take time.  Using my time and energy wisely right now does not include fussing about my hair.  Prioritizing is important.

To conclude, last night I made Spaghetti al Limone from my The Complete Mediterranean Cookbook from America's Test Kitchen.  I halved their recipe because my kids weren't home for dinner last night.  This was very simple and I even splurged on the fresh basil.  Yes, I must admit, fresh herbs are better.  I won't always have them on hand, but I will make a concerted effort when I can.

For the half recipe, you whisk together in a bowl 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, 1 tsp grated lemon zest plus 1/6 of a cup lemon juice, 1 small garlic clove, minced with 1/2 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp pepper.  Then stir in 1 oz grated Parmesan cheese until thick and creamy.  Prepare 1/2 pound of spaghetti and reserve 1 cup cooking water.  Then toss the spaghetti with the mixture, adding a bit of reserved cooking water for consistency and stir in the 3 tbps of shredded fresh basil.

This was really tasty.  I mistakenly used shredded Parm, which made a cheesy congealed mess of itself, but still tasted good.  I used whole wheat spaghetti noodles.  For a side?  I sauteed zucchini in olive oil until browned on both sides and tossed with some more parm, salt and pepper and some lemon zest for fun.  I have to say, I don't think I would have enjoyed my dinner as much without the zucchini side to bite into.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for!  This is hard, but I am strong!  Even when I struggle.

Until next time...  Be well!
~Tracy