I think I can, I think I can....

Day 36 - Monday morning.  Sometimes I feel like the little engine that could, sometimes I question my sanity.  I am never quite sure of which end I will land, on any particular day, but I always know it will eventually seesaw to the other side, so it doesn't really matter.

I am tired and sore from my extremely active weekend and I have a 10:30am appointment today, so I skipped my morning workout.  I did weigh myself though and was absolutely beside myself that the scale hasn't moved from 172.2.  I haven't eaten more than 1700 calories in a day since I began counting calories.  I hiked, I kayaked, I swam and I rode my freaking bike.  It is so hard not to feel defeated by how slo....w.....ly this weight is coming off.  Deep breath.

As I was getting dressed, I pulled on a pair of capris that I haven't worn in a couple weeks and could see and feel how noticeably smaller I am in them.  This encouraged me to take my waist measurement.  I am down another half inch in my waist - so 3" total so far.  That at least soothed my ruffled feathers.  But still.

Last night I listened to a webinar from a woman named Cara Stein who wrote How to Be Happy (No Fairy Dust or Moonbeams Required).  You can check her out at http://17000-days.com/.  I stumbled across her accidentally through a facebook ad and was intrigued by her very charming and engaging content so I decided I had nothing to lose by signing up for the free webinar.  I am very glad that I did.

Among many other things that she shared that were insightful, she mentioned an upside-down bell shaped curve in talking about chasing our dreams.  She expresses that at the top of the bell curve, we are really psyched and excited, pumped up and ready to dig deep and dive in.  But, as we get closer to the bottom of the bell curve, where we are the furthest away from the inception and excitement AND the furthest away from our ultimate goal, we can feel quite awful.  And she said so many times people give up during this stage and start to chase another dream only to end up in the same spot and keep repeating that cycle.  But that if we stick with it through the awful part and we have persistence, then we can climb up the other side toward our goal.

I am imagining myself right now, to be at the bottom of my upside-down bell curve.  I keep thinking, am I so disconnected from my body that there is a delayed response?  Am I not eating enough?  Am I working out too much?  Have I gone completely haywire and my system is simply stuck?  Do I need to drink my special "smooth move" tea again?  Another deep breath.

I will just keep on keeping on...  that is what I will do.  Why?  Because it doesn't even matter if the scale moves or not (though I desperately want it to!), because I wouldn't go back to eating lots of sugar or chocolate anyway.  I wouldn't go back to sitting at my desk all day without making sure to move around.  I wouldn't give up my weight sessions and trying to build muscle.  I wouldn't give up being active.  I am living a healthy lifestyle.  That freaking scale will have no choice but to catch up with me at some point?  Right?  I could always smash it with a hammer.  ;)

Patience.  And persistence.  And unwaivering determination.  I think I can... I think I can. 

Until next time... Be well!
~Tracy      

  

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